26th July 2014- Saturday
It’s been quite a long time since I’ve written anything on here- I don’t really know why, I guess I’ve been pretty busy and also I think I was trying to work out what exactly it is that I want to say.
Isn’t it weird, that sometimes we learn to convince ourselves that something that isn’t good for us, is exactly what we need? The person that it really won’t work out with is obviously your soul mate, and you can’t live without them? If you haven’t witnessed yourself doing this, then I must say that I envy you. I am one of those people, that really just is in love with the idea of love. It sounds cliché, but I really am expecting the butterflies, and for it to just work. I know obviously all relationships take a lot of work. But every time I think something is just what I need it turns out that well, it really just isn’t.
I think I set myself up for the heartbreak, because I adore everyone so easily, I am a people pleaser, and I love meeting new people and generally being surrounded by people. But when you find someone who looks at you that little bit differently, and who genuinely makes you feel as special as you want to make other people feel, you start to wonder if you’re looking into the eyes of the person that you are going to fall in love with, and I think I’ve been so intrigued by the idea of this happening to me, I’ve kidded myself into thinking that I am happy with my current situation.
I met someone late last year, after being in a long term relationship, which I never thought I’d get over, but this guy genuinely made it easy, he made me happy, whenever we spent time together, I couldn’t even think of anything else other than how much I appreciated him as a person, and life in general. (Even though, in life I’m a bit of a fairy brain, in the sense that I’m so positive my friends probably believe I chew on rainbows and pixie dust!) But I was the sort of happy where you felt like you were excited about everything, and that doesn’t come from just anyone.
But when circumstances change, I guess it’s harder than it seems to just admit it and let it go, and you try multiple times to kid yourself, but at the end of the day, you know deep down it’s just not healthy, it won’t work and you’re only going to end up with your heart broken. You’ve got all the good times repeatedly playing in your mind, the time you laughed so much it hurt your tummy, over essentially nothing… the times where you could just look at each other, and you’d automatically know how the other one was feeling… but then you realised with the life you lead, it really just is not feasible.
I, for some bazaar reason, managed to kid myself for nearly 8 months.
When ur hair won’t listen to you and its a mess and ur just like ???? I grew you myself??? I gave you life and this is how you repay me??
"Date someone who is interested in you. I don’t mean someone who thinks you’re cute or funny. I mean someone who wants to know every insignificant detail about you. Someone who wants to read every word you write. Someone who wants hear every note of your favourite song, and watch every scene of your favourite movie. Someone wants to find every scar upon your body, and learn where each one came from. Someone who wants to know your favourite brand of toothpaste, and which quotes resonate deep inside your bones when you hear them. There is a difference between attraction and interest. Find the person who wants to learn every aspect of who you are, and hold onto them."
d-ay-dreamer said: Already following you, your blog is absolutely amazing! xx :)
Thanks :* xx